Happy Families Make a Peaceful World—By Emmanuel Nnadozie Onwubiko
By Emmanuel Nnadozie Onwubiko
The penultimate week witnessed several remarkable events, both locally and globally, that offered important lessons about leadership, family life, and the values required to build a peaceful society.
In Nigeria, President Bola Ahmed Tinubu, who had reportedly returned from a four-week vacation in Paris, France, and London, England, celebrated his wife, Mrs. Oluremi Tinubu, on the occasion of her 66th birthday. As Nigerians reflected on the beautiful open letter the President wrote to his wife, published in several national newspapers, another significant event was unfolding in Vatican City.
There, Pope Leo XIV convened the presidents of bishops’ conferences and heads of Eastern Catholic Churches from around the world to deliberate on contemporary challenges confronting marriage and family life.
We shall return shortly to the discussions among the Catholic bishops gathered in Rome to examine the changing realities of family life in the 21st century. First, however, it is worth reflecting on the President’s birthday tribute to his wife and the values it celebrates.
Tinubu’s birthday tribute to his wife
In his birthday message, President Bola Ahmed Tinubu reportedly celebrated his wife, Oluremi, describing her as his “truest friend and confidante.”
In a tribute to the First Lady published on his verified X account, the President praised her patience, courage, compassion, and unwavering support throughout their years together.
Describing Oluremi as the woman who had stood by him through different seasons of his life, Tinubu said she had shared his burdens and offered counsel during difficult moments.
“Today, I celebrate the woman who has walked beside me with patience, grace, and uncommon courage. Àwọn àgbà sọ pé, ‘Ìyàwó rere ni adé ọkọ rẹ̀.’ A good wife is her husband’s crown,” he wrote.
Tinubu said Oluremi had given practical meaning to the biblical description of a virtuous woman, adding that she had remained a source of strength and understanding.
“The burdens that were mine to bear often found their way onto your shoulders. The thoughts I could not put into words somehow found their way to you.
“In difficult times, when the future was uncertain, you stayed calm beside me and prayed with me,” he stated.
The President described the First Lady as his “truest friend and confidante,” noting that she was never afraid to offer him honest advice.
“I call you my truest friend and confidante because you speak the truth plainly, even on the days I would rather not hear it,” he said.
He also praised Oluremi for her role in raising their children and grandchildren, observing that her values of faith and kindness had helped shape the family.
“Our home bears the lasting imprint of your devotion. Our children and grandchildren have grown beneath the shelter of your prayers. They carry your values of faith and kindness wherever life takes them,” he added.
Tinubu also highlighted the First Lady’s humanitarian activities, recalling her work through the New Era Foundation and the Renewed Hope Initiative.
“If life returned me to the beginning, I would choose the same road that led me to you. Through every mile, my heart has always remained at home with you,” the President wrote.
He concluded by wishing her many more years of good health and happiness.
“Happy 66th birthday, my darling Oluremi. I pray that God Almighty will grant you many more years in good health and joy,” he said.
There is no doubt that the qualities President Tinubu attributed to his wife are admirable. Although we cannot independently verify every personal attribute he described, the values celebrated in his message are worthy of reflection.
Patience, compassion, honesty, mutual support, faithfulness, and the willingness to speak the truth are among the virtues that can strengthen family relationships. When these values extend beyond the home into public life, they can also contribute to national peace, sustainable development, and social progress.
A peaceful world cannot be built on political declarations alone. It must begin with healthy relationships, responsible parenting, mutual respect, and the willingness of individuals to place the common good above selfish interests.
It is therefore important to examine what the family means, the philosophical traditions that have informed our understanding of it, and the challenges confronting family values in contemporary Nigeria.
The concept of family
In preparing this reflection, I considered the broad understanding of the family found in social and philosophical discussions.
In its most familiar form, the family consists of parents and their children, commonly described as the nuclear family. In many societies, this constitutes a foundational unit of social organization.
The concept also encompasses the extended family: people connected by blood, marriage, adoption, or descent from a common ancestor. In Nigerian and other African societies, the extended family traditionally includes parents, children, spouses, grandchildren, siblings, cousins, and other relatives who share responsibilities and obligations.
In some households, people who are not related by blood may also become closely integrated into family life through long-standing relationships, shared responsibilities, and mutual care.
The legal meaning of family, however, varies according to the applicable legislation and the context in which the term is used. In Nigeria, family relationships may be recognized under statutory, customary, and religious legal systems, while questions concerning marriage, inheritance, and parental responsibility are governed by different legal rules.
It is therefore important to distinguish between the sociological understanding of family, which can be broad and inclusive, and the specific legal definitions that apply in particular circumstances.
Regardless of these differences, the family remains an important setting in which people learn how to relate to others, understand responsibility, develop their moral values, and participate in society.
Aristotle’s thoughts on the family as a unit
Aristotle (384–322 BC), one of the most influential philosophers in human history, devoted considerable attention to the relationship between the household and the wider political community.
In his discussion of friendship in Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle observed that friendship between husband and wife appears to be natural. He argued that the household precedes the political community in the order of human needs and that human beings are naturally inclined to form partnerships.
Aristotle wrote:
“Between man and wife friendship seems to exist by nature; for man is naturally inclined to form couples even more than to form cities, inasmuch as the household is earlier and more necessary than the city, and reproduction is more common to man with the animals.”
He further explained that human relationships extend beyond reproduction. Unlike a union concerned solely with producing offspring, human family life involves cooperation in the many activities necessary for living together.
In Aristotle’s account, men and women contribute different capacities to the household, and their cooperation enables them to meet shared needs.
He considered both utility and pleasure to be present in this relationship. However, he also recognized the possibility of a deeper friendship grounded in virtue. Where both partners possess good character, each can appreciate the other’s virtues and find satisfaction in the relationship.
Aristotle also regarded children as a bond that can unite parents because they are a shared good and a common responsibility.
His reflections remain relevant to contemporary discussions of family life. They remind us that a lasting family relationship requires more than physical proximity or the fulfillment of immediate needs. It also requires cooperation, shared responsibility, mutual respect, and the cultivation of good character.
Although modern understandings of marriage and family have evolved considerably since ancient Greece, Aristotle’s emphasis on friendship, shared obligations and the contribution of the household to society remains valuable.
The Thomistic perspective on the family
Thomas Aquinas (1225–1274), one of the most influential thinkers of the medieval period, drew extensively on Aristotle’s philosophy while developing his own account of natural law, morality, and human relationships.
Aquinas regarded marriage and family life as natural institutions because they respond to fundamental human needs, particularly the generation, upbringing, and education of children.
In his discussion of marriage in the Supplement to the Summa Theologiae, Aquinas explained that natural reason inclines human beings towards marriage not merely for the generation of offspring but also for their upbringing and development.
He argued that children require sustained care, nourishment, and education to reach maturity. These responsibilities, in his account, explain the importance of a stable and enduring relationship between parents.
Aquinas identified three important things that children receive from their parents: existence, nourishment, and education. His argument was that bringing a child into the world creates responsibilities that extend far beyond birth.
He also discussed the practical cooperation between spouses in household affairs. Human beings, he observed, are not self-sufficient in every aspect of life. They depend on one another and must cooperate to meet their material, emotional, and social needs.
From this perspective, family life is not simply a private arrangement between individuals. It is also an institution through which human beings discharge responsibilities towards one another and prepare younger generations for participation in society.
The enduring lesson in Aquinas’s philosophy is that family relationships should be assessed not only by the benefits they offer adults but also by the responsibilities they create towards children and other dependants.
His account belongs to a particular historical and theological tradition, and contemporary family arrangements are more diverse than the model he described. Nevertheless, his emphasis on care, education, responsibility and mutual assistance remains relevant to discussions about the wellbeing of families.
Milton A. Gonsalves’ ethical perspective on the family
Milton A. Gonsalves, in his discussions of ethics and human society, describes the traditional functions of the family as including the regulation of sexual relationships, the reproduction and upbringing of children, the continuation of society, the emotional development of adults, economic cooperation and the assignment of social status.
These functions have historically helped families provide stability and continuity across generations.
However, family structures and responsibilities have changed considerably under the influence of urbanisation, industrialisation, increased mobility, technological development, changing expectations concerning gender roles, and advances in reproductive health and longevity.
These changes have created new opportunities and challenges. Families today may be separated by employment, migration and economic necessity. Parents may struggle to balance work and childcare, while digital technology can either strengthen communication or reduce meaningful interaction within the household.
It would be simplistic to attribute contemporary social and political crises solely to changes in traditional family structures. Corruption, insecurity, inequality and poor governance have multiple causes that must be examined in their historical, institutional, economic and political contexts.
Nevertheless, I strongly believe that the weakening of important moral values—including honesty, responsibility, compassion and respect for others—can undermine both family relationships and public institutions.
When children grow up without adequate guidance, when adults neglect their responsibilities, and when society rewards dishonesty rather than integrity, the consequences can extend well beyond individual households.
The family is therefore an important starting point for rebuilding a culture of responsibility, although family education must be reinforced by effective public institutions, sound laws and accountable leadership.
Corruption, governance and the erosion of family values in Nigeria
One of the most disturbing features of Nigeria’s contemporary experience is the persistence of corruption and the apparent ability of some politically influential individuals to evade accountability.
The misuse of public office, the diversion of public resources and the manipulation of institutions for private benefit undermine public confidence and deprive citizens of opportunities that should be available to all.
Nigeria’s oil wealth illustrates the magnitude of this challenge. Since commercial oil production began in the country, petroleum revenues have become a major source of government income. Yet successive administrations have faced persistent questions concerning revenue transparency, public expenditure, accountability and the extent to which natural-resource wealth has translated into improved living standards.
The problem extends beyond petroleum. Nigeria possesses substantial solid-mineral resources, but illegal mining, mineral smuggling, weak enforcement and opaque commercial arrangements have raised serious concerns in parts of the country.
In some areas, illegal mining and the activities of armed groups have intersected with wider insecurity. However, the precise relationship between mineral exploitation, political interests and terrorist violence must be established through credible evidence rather than assumption.
What is beyond dispute is that the exploitation of natural resources for private gain, where it occurs at the expense of public welfare, represents a serious failure of governance.
The consequences are felt by ordinary families. When public revenue is diverted, communities lose opportunities for better schools, hospitals, roads, employment and social protection. Parents are left to shoulder burdens that effective public institutions should help address.
Corruption also communicates a dangerous moral lesson. When individuals become wealthy through dishonest means and are celebrated rather than held accountable, younger generations may begin to believe that success depends on connections, impunity and the exploitation of others.
This is how failures of governance can contribute to the erosion of family and social values. The issue is not merely that individuals accumulate wealth; it is that the methods by which wealth is acquired and the consequences for society become detached from questions of morality and responsibility.
A society that tolerates corruption cannot reasonably expect families alone to sustain a culture of integrity. Parents must teach honesty and responsibility, but public institutions must also demonstrate that those values matter.
The judiciary has a particularly important role in this regard. Courts must remain independent, impartial and committed to the rule of law. Allegations of judicial corruption or improper influence must be investigated fairly and supported by evidence. Where misconduct is established, appropriate disciplinary or legal consequences must follow.
Similarly, government officials, security agencies, legislators, business leaders and citizens must recognise that the pursuit of private advantage cannot legitimately override the common good.
Nigeria needs a renewed commitment to integrity, transparency, justice and public service. Such a commitment would help restore confidence in public institutions while reinforcing the values that families seek to instil in their children.
The theory of family in Africa
In traditional African societies, the family has generally been understood within a wider network of communal relationships and obligations. Although African cultures are diverse and cannot be reduced to a single model, many have historically emphasised solidarity, hospitality, respect for elders, mutual assistance and responsibility towards the wider community.
These values are reflected in communal approaches to land and resources, assistance to relatives during hardship, the care of children by extended family members, and the expectation that individuals should contribute to the welfare of others.
The principle of living together in mutual respect is central to many African philosophical traditions. The widely discussed concept of Ubuntu, for example, emphasises human interdependence and the idea that individual wellbeing is connected to the wellbeing of others.
Such traditions remind us that personal achievement should not be separated from social responsibility.
Unfortunately, contemporary Nigeria faces serious challenges in sustaining these ideals. The pursuit of wealth and social status can sometimes overshadow the obligations people have towards their families and communities. Public impunity and the failure to punish serious wrongdoing can further weaken respect for ethical standards.
However, it would be unfair to suggest that Nigerians have abandoned their traditional values or that corruption is an exclusively Nigerian or African problem. Across societies, moral values are sustained or weakened by a combination of family upbringing, economic conditions, political institutions, education and public culture.
The task before us is therefore not to romanticise the past but to preserve what is valuable in our traditions while confronting practices that undermine dignity, equality and justice.
African families should continue to promote respect for elders, hospitality, compassion, communal solidarity and responsible citizenship. These values should also be extended to people outside one’s immediate ethnic, religious or family circle.
True solidarity cannot be confined to helping one’s relatives while ignoring the suffering of neighbours or the wider public. It must include respect for human dignity, fairness in the distribution of opportunities and a willingness to defend the rights of people who are vulnerable or disadvantaged.
If the family is indeed one of the foundations of society, then families everywhere must help cultivate peace, unity, love, social justice and truth.
Those who work in government, the judiciary, the security services, business and other sectors have a particular responsibility to model these values through their conduct. The restoration of our moral foundations requires more than speeches; it demands consistent action.
This brings us to the recent discussions in Vatican City, where Catholic leaders examined the pressures facing families and the responsibilities of the Church and society in responding to them.
At the Vatican bishops’ meeting, a cardinal explains how phones are changing family life
Cardinal Filipe Neri Ferrão told a Vatican gathering of Catholic leaders on October 8 about the positive experience of a parish in his archdiocese in India, where pastoral visits to families and phone-free family evenings had helped strengthen relationships.
On the second day of Pope Leo XIV’s meeting with presidents of bishops’ conferences and heads of Eastern Catholic Churches, convened to mark the 10th anniversary of Amoris Laetitia, participants gathered in the Vatican’s Paul VI Hall to discuss contemporary challenges facing families.
Cardinal Ferrão, president of the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of India and Archbishop of Goa and Daman, shared the story of a family in his diocese whose children were constantly occupied with their phones while their parents, exhausted by long working hours and household responsibilities, had little energy left to spend with them.
During a pastoral visit, the family’s parish priest listened as the wife explained that the household rarely found time to sit together and talk. Small misunderstandings, she said, were gradually creating emotional distance among family members.
“The priest offered no ready solutions,” the cardinal recalled. “He listened, and encouraged them to speak openly and to listen to each other. They realized they had to do something to change their way of being family. At first, they chose a few small steps: a phone-free family evening each week, one shared meal each day, and a few minutes of prayer with the children.”
“Weeks later, he saw a small but real change. Their struggles remained, but they were facing them together,” he added.
The experience encouraged the priest to establish a parish family commission that prioritised home visits and invited older couples to accompany younger families. The initiative sought to reach others who might be struggling silently with similar problems.
This example offers a practical lesson for families everywhere. Addressing the pressures of modern life does not always require elaborate programmes or expensive interventions. Sometimes, meaningful progress begins with listening, sharing meals, creating time for conversation and establishing simple routines that allow family members to reconnect.
Family life is undergoing profound transitions
Cardinal Ferrão explained that family life in India and across Asia is undergoing profound and far-reaching changes.
“New forms of partnership and cohabitation are emerging, amid changing understandings of gender and relationships in urban settings,” he said in his prepared remarks.
He also noted that the growing incidence of interfaith marriages in religiously diverse societies raises new questions about the practice and transmission of faith within families.
Christian families in parts of India and Asia, he added, must also navigate circumstances marked by religious polarisation and hostility.
When Pope Leo XIV first convened the bishops to discuss marriage and family life, he observed that rapid changes in contemporary society made particular pastoral attention to families necessary, perhaps even more urgently than a decade earlier.
These observations are relevant well beyond the Church. Families across the world are negotiating changing social expectations, economic pressures, cultural differences and competing demands on their time.
The challenge is not simply to lament change but to understand its effects and develop practical responses that strengthen relationships, protect vulnerable family members and help children grow into responsible adults.
Families’ daily habits are being affected by technology
Cardinal Ferrão was not the only speaker to highlight the impact of technology on family relationships.
Vincenzo Rosito, an Italian professor of political philosophy and vice-dean at the Pontifical John Paul II Theological Institute, told the bishops that digital technologies were transforming family routines and the ways children are raised.
He argued that pastoral initiatives must recognise that society is undergoing a broad process of collective learning as people adapt to new technologies and patterns of interaction.
The implications are significant. Smartphones and digital platforms can help relatives maintain relationships across geographical distances, provide access to education and information, and create opportunities for support.
However, excessive or poorly managed screen use can also interfere with conversation, reduce shared family time and expose children to inappropriate material or harmful online interactions.
The solution is not necessarily to reject technology. Rather, families need to develop sensible boundaries that protect time for communication, recreation, education and shared responsibilities.
Parents can lead by example by putting their devices aside during meals, listening attentively to their children, monitoring age-appropriate online activity and encouraging activities that bring family members together.
Churches, schools, community organisations and governments can support these efforts through education, counselling and policies that promote the safety and wellbeing of children.
More than 150 bishops and patriarchs were reported to be gathering at the Vatican from October 7 to 14 for the meeting, officially titled “Ten Years After Amoris Laetitia: Proclaiming the Gospel with Families Today”.
The gathering provided an opportunity to reflect on the pastoral lessons of Amoris Laetitia, Pope Francis’ 2016 apostolic exhortation on love in the family, and to consider how the Church can accompany families amid changing social circumstances.
Conclusion: Pope Leo XIV on sustaining family values
We conclude this reflection by recalling the words of Pope Leo XIV during his meeting with faculty members and students of the Pontifical John Paul II Theological Institute for Studies on Marriage and Family.
The Pope underscored the importance of supporting, defending and promoting family life in every society.
“Everywhere and always, we are called to sustain, defend and promote the family,” he reaffirmed.
Acknowledging that families face different challenges depending on their social, economic and cultural circumstances, the Pope stressed the importance of supporting them through a way of life consistent with the Gospel.
He argued that proclaiming the Gospel should inspire coordinated and practical action in support of families and their wellbeing.
“The quality of a country’s social and political life is,” he underscored, “measured particularly by how it allows families to live well, to have time for themselves, and to cultivate the bonds that keep them united.”
“In a society that often exalts productivity and speed at the expense of relationships,” he added, “it becomes urgent to restore time and space to the love that is learned in the family.”
These words carry an important message for political leaders and citizens alike. Economic productivity and national development are necessary, but they should not be pursued in ways that destroy the relationships and social bonds that make life meaningful.
A country’s progress should be measured not only by the size of its economy or the wealth of its political and business elites but also by whether ordinary families can access decent housing, education, healthcare, employment and the time needed to care for one another.
Cherish the joy of bringing a new life into the world
Pope Leo XIV also recalled with emotion the words of his predecessor, Pope Francis, who had encouraged women awaiting a child to “cherish the joy of bringing a new life into the world”.
The Pope explained that this message expressed a profound truth: human life is a gift that should be welcomed with respect, care and gratitude.
Reflecting on the circumstances of mothers who experience pregnancy in conditions of isolation or marginalisation, he argued that both civil society and the Church have a responsibility to restore dignity to motherhood.
He called for practical initiatives, including policies that guarantee adequate living and working conditions, educational and cultural programmes that recognise the value of parenthood, and pastoral care that accompanies women and men through attentive listening and support.
“Motherhood and fatherhood, thus safeguarded,” he said, “are by no means burdens weighing upon society, but rather a hope that strengthens and renews it.”
This message is particularly important in societies where economic hardship, inadequate social services and insecure employment place considerable pressure on parents.
Celebrating the family must mean more than praising mothers and fathers in speeches. It must also mean creating conditions in which parents can care for their children without being overwhelmed by poverty, insecurity or the absence of essential services.
Governments have a responsibility to develop policies that protect children, support responsible parenting and enable families to live with dignity. Employers must also recognise the importance of reasonable working conditions and the need for workers to maintain healthy family relationships.
The Pope further encouraged scholars and students to deepen the connection between the study of family life and the Church’s social doctrine. He called for family experiences and dynamics to enrich the Church’s understanding of social life, while the principles of its social teaching should help illuminate the challenges families encounter.
He recalled the Second Vatican Council’s description of the family as the first cell of society and as a fundamental school of humanity.
This understanding brings us back to the central argument of this essay: the family is one of the most important places in which human beings learn how to live with others.
It is where children can first encounter love, responsibility, forgiveness, honesty and respect. It is where adults can learn the importance of mutual support and where generations can transmit knowledge, values and cultural traditions.
Yet families do not exist in isolation. Their wellbeing depends partly on the quality of the institutions, economic opportunities and social conditions surrounding them. A family cannot easily flourish where corruption deprives it of public services, where insecurity threatens its members, where poverty undermines children’s education, or where injustice prevents people from living with dignity.
For Nigeria, therefore, the promotion of strong family values must go hand in hand with the restoration of good governance, the enforcement of the rule of law, the fight against corruption, and the protection of the rights and dignity of every citizen.
Political leaders must understand that public office is a responsibility rather than a licence for personal enrichment. Parents must teach their children that integrity is more valuable than wealth acquired through dishonesty. Religious institutions must promote compassion and accountability, while schools must help young people develop the moral and intellectual foundations necessary for responsible citizenship.
We must also recognise that a peaceful society requires respect for families of different backgrounds and circumstances. Supporting the family should not become an excuse for discrimination, exclusion or the denial of human dignity.
Ultimately, a happy family is not necessarily one without disagreement or hardship. It is one in which people can communicate honestly, resolve differences peacefully, support one another through adversity and accept responsibility for their actions.
When these principles extend from individual households into public institutions and national life, they can help create a society founded on trust, justice and mutual respect.
The task before us is clear: we must rebuild the moral foundations of our families, strengthen the institutions that protect them and cultivate a public culture in which compassion and integrity matter as much as personal achievement.
Happy families can help build a peaceful world, but that peace must be sustained by responsible citizens, just institutions and leaders who place the common good above personal interest.
Emmanuel Nnadozie Onwubiko is the founder of the Human Rights Writers Association of Nigeria (HURIWA) and a former National Commissioner of the National Human Rights Commission of Nigeria.
